A chance to suffer, a chance to fly

 Not everybody gets the chance to suffer, and hence to grow, in the obvious physical ways such as experiencing hunger, famine, and war, especially if you live in the richest country in the world like America.  Any inconvenience can be eliminated by dish washers, spell check, diet soda, and other handy appliances, and most annoyances can be blocked out by ipods, cell phones, TV, laptops, or goofy videos on YouTube. Our society, myself included, regularly use these things to escape nagging doubts or secret pains, losing yourself for a day, an hour, a minute in pleasure. The chance to suffer is given to everyone, everywhere, at some point (several points) in their life. As Adam Young said, "Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there." Although he seems to have done an excellent job at creating his own little utopia, that's not life. And when the hard times come, and you don't want to go on, or you really just can't go on, these pain killers are not strong enough to block out the problems. That's when you are graced with an opportunity to suffer, a chance that I was blind to for too long a time, but eventually turned to to accept weakness, gain peace, and  live joyfully.

I have an issue of living a double standard. The attitude I take towards my life can be different from my actual application in the split-second decision making. I've always told others, myself, and God that sure, I'm trusting God, so eventually He's going to work this all out for me. In the hard minutes, the decision making, I simply forced myself to deal with the issues at hand, closing up, becoming logical and taking action. All good things, but not enough. I didn't really know what "giving up" and "letting go" meant, those vague, churchy words that you always hear in songs on K-Love. I don't really like those phrases, first of all because they have become cliche, and secondly because they are too nice-sounding and short to accurately describe what really goes on. The explosive impact that the spiritual act of allowing another Power into the deepest part of your very being to surgically intervene in every homework page, meal, and tooth-brushing you do, in aspects of life on the psychological, spiritual, mental, even neurological level; that's what it's all about. (Yes God will mess with your brain, he can because He made it anyway;) The allowing part is what I did not consciously agree to in the moment, the part of my very good life that I was lacking. It's not that I didn't agree to let God in, it's just that I never did agree to in the moment where it counted. :P

When things got really hard, the music didn't drown out the gnawing doubts and pains anymore. I was pretty frantic for an emotional pain-killer. The only thing I could think about was, how can I get through this? A friend told me the most important thing in my life -

"...this might sound terrible right now...but use this opportunity."

Really??

"...Not everyone gets the chance to suffer like you and your family are right now. Even if you would rather die than face your life right now...just say that "yes!, one day this will pass so right now I'm just going to do my best so that when I am looking back on this moment down the road I can say that I used it to the best of my ability and strength..no matter how crappy it felt."

That's what I was missing. I was thinking "How can I survive this?" instead of "How can I thrive in this?" In rough situations, this is well-nigh impossible. As the song from Group 1 Crew asks, "As light is hard to find in a storm, how can I give love if my soul's been torn?" Getting through each day is way easier than improving each day, but it is what we're called to do. Other wise, it stunts our growth. Knights show their valor on the field of battle, and don't gain strength and honor from passively "getting through" a fight. If we stay where we're comfortable, we take longer getting out of the pain. We just wade through it, concentrating on how much we need to get through, instead of looking up and out to the edge where it ends. But most importantly, we miss an irreplaceable opportunity. We're not given such opportunities for heroism and inner strength much in ordinary life, so when the challenge comes, embrace the pain and do something with it. Be courageous, show them what you've got, and give it your very best.

How can you do that, when everything seems to be crashing down around you and you can barely stand, let alone help other up? The first thing you have to come to terms with is this truth - you are weak. Yes, you are, and unless you're desperate enough to come to terms with this, you're not desperate enough. Your life won't improve unless you accept that. So let it sink in, even though it's scary, shameful, and disappointment. Then, cry for help - ask God to be your strength. Get what help you need, first from God, and second from the people who love you most. They may not be the most comfortable people, because if they truly love you, they may sometimes tell you things that you don't want to hear for your own good. Sit in quiet, empty yourself with the fact you are weak, to make room for God's strength. He will come, I promise you, He said himself "I will never forsake you." Search for the two signs that you're on the right track - Peace, and Joy. Both are gifts, and cannot be produced by regular human emotion. Remember, you can have Peace mixed with pain, just happiness can come with inner discontent. It is silent, and you will only hear it in the silence. But it is a green light that says, yes, you are on the right track. Joy is the same, but less common. When you feel it, you will have no doubt of it; the difference between Joy and Happiness is astounding, it will fill you with wonder and awe, and ask where this amazing thing, Joy, came from. Happiness does not spark that question.

Then, continue with your life, fulfilling your duties of each moment. Not each hour, or each day, and don't even start to think about the rest of the week; just focus on doing your best for God in each moment. Use plans/planners as a necessary evil, because when they become more than a way to serve God in a future, they can be obsessive, taking your mind off God. (I'm not dissing plans, I need to be more organized myself - but I do know how stressed out they can make you.) God will take of all your needs down to the socks you wear today, so you're covered. By focusing on God's will, you will fulfill what only you can do, and slowly you will change lives, do amazing, maybe little things, and prepare yourself for greatness, by embracing the challenge right here.

If you're going through a hard time, I am so sorry. Please hear this though, although it might sound harsh right now - use this opportunity to suffer, and turn it into a chance to fly.

Like Abraham, Jacob, Peter and Paul

As you all know, my family recently changed our name. Now we're the McGraths. It's been quite an adventure - paperwork, decisions, getting used to the new name. It's been taking some getting used to, but I wouldn't change it for anything. ;) (Seriously - we could only do all that paperwork once! ;) If you all are interested, here is the story of the turn of events leading up to the name change.
Although we had been seriously thinking about it for the past few months, actually, my parents considered it before they got married, simply because Wisniewski was such a hard name to say and spell. Unlike many people who came over Ellis Island who Americanized their last names, this one had stayed intact for over 4 generations. However, because they couldn't come up with anything, my parents decided to keep it for the time being. Later on, after we all were born, I remember them joking about mixing "Wisniewski" and "Moloney," my mom's maiden name. Eva said, "How about McNiewski?" That was the running joke for quite awhile in our house. Sadly, it too was laden with spelling issues. :)
Last summer, my mom started seriously thinking and praying about it again. She told me, and I thought a lot about it myself. Because it was a huge family decision, each of us had the freedom to affirm or nix-nay it. However, after several months of thought, we had a unanimous yes. There were several reasons.
The most obvious reason is the difficulty of speaking and spelling it. Any time a business transaction over the phone happened, or anything else where you were required to verbally spell out your last name, things got really old really fast. Imagine trying to give your last name to an old lady at Lowe's with hearing issues over the phone - "That's W-I-S-N... N as in Nick... AS IN NICK.... yes that's right... N-I-E.... yes those are the right letters... I know it sounds like new... NO, there are not TWO N's, only ONE..." You get the picture.
Next, the fact that I knew my dad wouldn't mind. Since my parents had openly thought about it before they got married, and even tossed the idea around once or twice in my childhood, I knew he would be ok with it.
The final reason is a more religious reason. In the Bible, when any character had a major life change, and turned their heart and life to God in a more fully devoted way, God gave them a new name. When God called Abram to know Him, he gave him the name Abraham. After Jacob wrestled with the angel, the angel blessed him and gave him the name Israel. Jesus himself, calling Simon to be the rock of his Church, called him Kephas (Peter, Rock). After Saul was thrown from his horse and became the most devoted missionary of all time, he took the name Paul. The list goes on and on. Our family went through a huge change with the death of my dad two years ago, and we thought it fitting to take on a new name in this new phase in our lives. We are still the same people, with the same background; but we hope that this new name will help remind us of God and our duty to Him in this new stage of our lives.
Still, I needed some sort of affirmation, so I prayed that God would show me what He wanted me to do. I figured, IF I'm going to change it, it should be a family name that works for everyone, something that has some history and meaning attached. As for a middle name, I liked Evelyn, but it didn't have any real significance for me, but my confirmation name did. So, IF I did change it, I would take my confirmation name. The only issue with that is it is St. Maximillian Kolbe. I wasn't taking Maximillian, you couldn't pay me to take Maxine, so Kolbe was all that was left. But the IF's still bugged me a bit, so, I laid the whole thing out to Fr. Amberger, knowing that he would give me some good insight. He suggested that for the last name, it be something in the family, with some family history (funny, I had already be thinking of that). For the middle name, he said I should probably take a saint name, or maybe your confirmation name? Funny, i had already been thinking about that too! That was the green light that told me to run with this whole wonderfully, beautifully crazy thing. :)
So, with me assured and my family decided, we had to pick a name. Because of the plethora of ancestors we have, we had a pool of family names to pick from. Rooney was in the running, but I absolutely forbade it when I heard "Rose Rooney." No. Not happening. :) Mom didn't want to go back to her maiden name, and nobody knows how to spell Meehan. We even considered taking my dad's name, Wayne, as our last name, until we tried it with Jack's name and it became "John Wayne." All he needed then was a pair of six-shooters, haha.
So we decided on McGrath. My great-grandmother was a McGrath, just as my great-grandfather on the other side was a Wisniewski. We were equal amounts of both, only the McGraths had come through a line of girls, while Wisniewski had come through a line of boys, therefore remaining the same. It took several months, but finally we went to the county courthouse on March 22nd. We stood before a judge, and each individually went up and gave our old name, new name, and consent for the change. It was over in a few minutes, yet I surprised myself how happy I was walking out with an official paper with my new name on it.
I am so happy with my new name. It seems like the start of happy new chapter of my life. I am not leaving my past behind, or somehow morphing into a different person, I couldn't do that if I wanted too. But I'm not being afraid of the future, or not moving on. This is a part of this moving on, and a very exciting, happy part for me.
Thank you for reading!

God bless you,

Rose Kolbe McGrath :)

Inflation...

I knew prices were rising, but I didn't realize how bad things were getting until I saw this -


You would think the store would catch the typo. No one is gonna pay that much, no matter how good that Sunkist is!
;) Signing out
Rose :)