The Lighthouse

A storm wave of depression hits me; heart drops 10 floors from my chest,

Yet these are not my own thoughts, they are shot at me from the rest

Of those who turn toward a beacon, hoping to learn how to glow,

But in the storm, they claw like carrion, innocent, because they do not know

That my cup is not bottomless, they drink life from my soul,

And while I give freely, for that is my role,

I am only a sieve, and a mirror reflecting sight;

They are drawn to me simply because they seek the light.

I feel myself drowning, the last drop runs dry,

Parched even in this storm, needing life water from the sky.

Crying out, dear God, I can’t do this alone,

Is it wrong to lay down and yearn to fly home?

While bitterness chokes me, I breathe out, I breathe in,

Accept; I find firm ground that I can stand on again

My mirror is black, my cup is dry,

I run to the soul of my soul, so I will not die.

The Lighthouse shines brightly, one hundred feet away,

Warmth floods me before I even see the light of day,

It’s calling and calling and calling my name

Let me fill your cup! Let me be your flame!

He’s there! My Creator, Perfection not made,

The secret of my smile, constant in every age.

My dear One, my friend, the Soul of my soul,

Awe adoring, Morning Glory, I am made whole.

Calmly catching the shards of my being,

Recreating with kisses, darkness is fleeing,

Transcending somewhere between heaven and earth,

I rest in the absolute peace, a new birth.

For Trust reveals realities blind but to the soul,

And the brightest flames burst forth from black humble coal.

This shard of mirror, this broken cup is but a beloved pawn,

While steadily, serenely, the Lighthouse shines ever on.

Blindfold

Life's path is invisible
Destiny's blueprint, inscrutable
Navigating it is a miracle
I count on you to do


Walking with a blindfold,
Your hand warms my own
You'll show me where to go
If, with trust, I hold
The hand that guides my own

When I can't see,
Your breath fires courage in my veins
When I can't see,
Your calm voice keeps me sane
 When I can't see,
My ears sharpen to your voice
When I can't see,
Your touch reassures my choice that
When I can't see,
You guide me
You guide me

Walking with a blindfold,
Your hand warms my own
You'll show me where to go
If, with trust, I hold
The hand that guides my own

My Apologies

My apologies to those who post comments on my blog, my dumb computer won't let me reply to comments. So either I will ignore your comments entirely, or respond with a post.
Nathan, I am indeed driving this roller coaster. It's different :) But maybe you're right, and I should get out of the driver's seat and let God take the reins. :)

Reving up and out of summer

Summer is just as hot as it ever was, but even in the middle of July things are starting to rev up for the school year. I have an appointment later today at Sinclair to sign up for classes and take a Spanish placement test. Teaching Choralleers at Co-op will take a lot of planning, because I'm working with a different age group and need a different approach from last year. I'm also thinking about scholarships, scrutinizing every college in Ohio on the web for full ride or any other scholarships that might apply to me. The writing and re-writing of scholarship essays will be considered as one of my classes this fall. In addition to all this planning and looking forward, I have only one or two more small things left before I'm done with senior year. Pursuing music this year will consist of joining adult choir at Emmanuel, continuing organ lessons, practicing piano at home, and starting voice lessons. Oh, and I'm looking for a job. 

The only thing left to do is spend time with my family, get in to the swing of things, and then immediately start worrying about next year. Seriously though, all this planning and figuring out my life can get me stressed out. That's why really, the biggest thing I have to do this year and next, is pray. It's hard to really admit that God knows better than I do in these little things like choosing courses at Sinclair, but in the end He really does. So I'll just be trying to trust Him and I hold onto my cap while driving this roller coaster. :)

A Woman's Question (Excerpt) - by Lena Lathop

Do you know you asked for the costliest thing

Ever made by the Hand above?

A woman's heart, a woman's life -

And a wonderful woman's love. 

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing

As a child might ask for a toy?

Demanding what others have died to win

Win the reckless dash of a boy. 

You have written my lesson of duty out,

Manlike, you have questioned me.

Now stand at the bars of my woman's heart,

Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,

Your socks and your shirt be whole;

I require your heart be true as God's stars

And as pure as heaven your soul.

A king for the beautiful realm called home,

And a man that his Maker, God,

Shall look upon as he did on the first

And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade

From this soft young cheek one day; 

Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,

As you did among the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true, 

I may launch my all on its tide?

A loving woman finds heaven or hell

The day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,

All things that a man should be;

If you give all this, I would stake my life

To be all you demand of me.

What Poets Taught Me

Poets from years and ages ago
Combined with melody peaceful and low
Speak to me through ink a page
A page that will speak to yet another age
Of stars in the heavens, and all beauty behold
By eyes who take time to seek out the old.
See uplifted arms of tree's wind-swept dance
Straining skyward in praise as their leaves prance
See for the first time eternal growth
With childlike wonder and unquenchable hope.
It reveals the one Breath that created good earth
Breathing forever into its blessed birth
Still firing awe in my heart to this day
Restless, searching, yearning for the Name.

Hold on to the message unwritten,
Hold on to the unspoken rhyme,
The truth is often hidden,
The wise find it only through time. 

A Dental Extravaganza

I had cavities filled for the first time last week, three of them to be precise. Being my first time, I was rather scared about having to have novacane being shot into my mouth. After swabbing the one side of my mouth with gel, I closed my eyes while the dentist fiddled away in there. I opened my eyes to see the back end of a ginormous, 10 inch long syringe slowly injecting novacane into my head. It looked like a skyscraper from my perspective.

After shooting up the right side of my mouth, the dentist declared that it was unnecessary to numb the other side. Until he started drilling, that is. With the tooth on the unnumbed side being attacked first, I wondered if the other two would hurt as much. The dentist's comment at that point was, "That's deeper than I expected." You don't say. :P After several eyebrow grimaces, the dentist saw I was in pain and switched to a laser instead of a drill.

The other two went much more smoothly, and I was out of that chair in less than an hour. Being unable to smile, I sent a half-faced grimacing smile to the lady at the front desk as I left. As Mark would know, I sounded odd talking on the phone later that day, and laughing hurt my cheek, so I attempted to laugh without smiling. It was quite an experience. :)