A chance to suffer, a chance to fly

 Not everybody gets the chance to suffer, and hence to grow, in the obvious physical ways such as experiencing hunger, famine, and war, especially if you live in the richest country in the world like America.  Any inconvenience can be eliminated by dish washers, spell check, diet soda, and other handy appliances, and most annoyances can be blocked out by ipods, cell phones, TV, laptops, or goofy videos on YouTube. Our society, myself included, regularly use these things to escape nagging doubts or secret pains, losing yourself for a day, an hour, a minute in pleasure. The chance to suffer is given to everyone, everywhere, at some point (several points) in their life. As Adam Young said, "Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there." Although he seems to have done an excellent job at creating his own little utopia, that's not life. And when the hard times come, and you don't want to go on, or you really just can't go on, these pain killers are not strong enough to block out the problems. That's when you are graced with an opportunity to suffer, a chance that I was blind to for too long a time, but eventually turned to to accept weakness, gain peace, and  live joyfully.

I have an issue of living a double standard. The attitude I take towards my life can be different from my actual application in the split-second decision making. I've always told others, myself, and God that sure, I'm trusting God, so eventually He's going to work this all out for me. In the hard minutes, the decision making, I simply forced myself to deal with the issues at hand, closing up, becoming logical and taking action. All good things, but not enough. I didn't really know what "giving up" and "letting go" meant, those vague, churchy words that you always hear in songs on K-Love. I don't really like those phrases, first of all because they have become cliche, and secondly because they are too nice-sounding and short to accurately describe what really goes on. The explosive impact that the spiritual act of allowing another Power into the deepest part of your very being to surgically intervene in every homework page, meal, and tooth-brushing you do, in aspects of life on the psychological, spiritual, mental, even neurological level; that's what it's all about. (Yes God will mess with your brain, he can because He made it anyway;) The allowing part is what I did not consciously agree to in the moment, the part of my very good life that I was lacking. It's not that I didn't agree to let God in, it's just that I never did agree to in the moment where it counted. :P

When things got really hard, the music didn't drown out the gnawing doubts and pains anymore. I was pretty frantic for an emotional pain-killer. The only thing I could think about was, how can I get through this? A friend told me the most important thing in my life -

"...this might sound terrible right now...but use this opportunity."

Really??

"...Not everyone gets the chance to suffer like you and your family are right now. Even if you would rather die than face your life right now...just say that "yes!, one day this will pass so right now I'm just going to do my best so that when I am looking back on this moment down the road I can say that I used it to the best of my ability and strength..no matter how crappy it felt."

That's what I was missing. I was thinking "How can I survive this?" instead of "How can I thrive in this?" In rough situations, this is well-nigh impossible. As the song from Group 1 Crew asks, "As light is hard to find in a storm, how can I give love if my soul's been torn?" Getting through each day is way easier than improving each day, but it is what we're called to do. Other wise, it stunts our growth. Knights show their valor on the field of battle, and don't gain strength and honor from passively "getting through" a fight. If we stay where we're comfortable, we take longer getting out of the pain. We just wade through it, concentrating on how much we need to get through, instead of looking up and out to the edge where it ends. But most importantly, we miss an irreplaceable opportunity. We're not given such opportunities for heroism and inner strength much in ordinary life, so when the challenge comes, embrace the pain and do something with it. Be courageous, show them what you've got, and give it your very best.

How can you do that, when everything seems to be crashing down around you and you can barely stand, let alone help other up? The first thing you have to come to terms with is this truth - you are weak. Yes, you are, and unless you're desperate enough to come to terms with this, you're not desperate enough. Your life won't improve unless you accept that. So let it sink in, even though it's scary, shameful, and disappointment. Then, cry for help - ask God to be your strength. Get what help you need, first from God, and second from the people who love you most. They may not be the most comfortable people, because if they truly love you, they may sometimes tell you things that you don't want to hear for your own good. Sit in quiet, empty yourself with the fact you are weak, to make room for God's strength. He will come, I promise you, He said himself "I will never forsake you." Search for the two signs that you're on the right track - Peace, and Joy. Both are gifts, and cannot be produced by regular human emotion. Remember, you can have Peace mixed with pain, just happiness can come with inner discontent. It is silent, and you will only hear it in the silence. But it is a green light that says, yes, you are on the right track. Joy is the same, but less common. When you feel it, you will have no doubt of it; the difference between Joy and Happiness is astounding, it will fill you with wonder and awe, and ask where this amazing thing, Joy, came from. Happiness does not spark that question.

Then, continue with your life, fulfilling your duties of each moment. Not each hour, or each day, and don't even start to think about the rest of the week; just focus on doing your best for God in each moment. Use plans/planners as a necessary evil, because when they become more than a way to serve God in a future, they can be obsessive, taking your mind off God. (I'm not dissing plans, I need to be more organized myself - but I do know how stressed out they can make you.) God will take of all your needs down to the socks you wear today, so you're covered. By focusing on God's will, you will fulfill what only you can do, and slowly you will change lives, do amazing, maybe little things, and prepare yourself for greatness, by embracing the challenge right here.

If you're going through a hard time, I am so sorry. Please hear this though, although it might sound harsh right now - use this opportunity to suffer, and turn it into a chance to fly.